What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?

It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.

Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.

The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..

Why am I attracted to older men?

My life is so biszare .

So, i spoilt her more .

Would this be the day?

Is it true that in 2028 there will be a new AIDS variant that will wipe out all the LBGTQ+ people?

Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.

I said to her

My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.

Why do most people care so much about what others think? Are they afraid of society norms?

Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.

I was scared of men, in general

A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.

My friend asked my crush and he said my crush hates me but not in a rude way. What does that mean?

Where the ultimate outsiders.

I think the readers, may guess!

But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!

When was the first time your wife had beastiality?

As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.

Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.

His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!

Why do Democrats never produce a good argument for why Trump was a bad president?

I waited trembling.

I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor

Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.

Is using tech to track or monitor your partner’s activities a sign of love, insecurity, or control?

As i do to all so called friends.?

Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..

I might have to go back 30 generations or more..

Why is there no evidence of a multiverse theory?

But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).

The only rule us 5 kids had .

At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.

Measles leaves children vulnerable to other diseases for years - Our World in Data

But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!

Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..

And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.

How can someone feel more FTM when AMAB?

Ive learnt so much.

With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.

His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.

Do Flat Earthers exist today? If so, where do they live?

She died at 55 of colon cancer.

She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!

Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?

But, we were locked up after school.

One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.

We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.

I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.

We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..

One cannot hold on to bitterness.

Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.

Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.

But ive been too sick for many years..

My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!

I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.

And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!

When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!

I never cut or harmed myself..

He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!

But im dying ,and its too late for me.

Comes on , in middle age.

That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.

I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.

We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.

I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .

I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!

Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.

I don,t even have a pension.

Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.

I was very sick at this time too.

I was 9 years of age.

He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .

Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.

He resisted the act ,that day.

When she asked me how she looked .

As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!

He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!

For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)

Why did i forgive my father ?

Im still living with it.

So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.

Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!

As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!

Im dying but, im not bitter.

She wouldn,t have been !

He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.

And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!

She married twice! .

This is soul school!.

Put me off passion for life!!

But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!

Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.

I was writing from the time i was a small child.

But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !

He knew the spot.

One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)

My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .

Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.

Was to survive, this bastard.

Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.

Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.

One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.

I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.

My family never makes their pension either.

The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.

And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!

Especially a lifetime of it.

I couldn’t, believe it.

Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)

She loved him until the end.

I was seconnd youngest,

But it wasn’t much.

My mum and dad in the seventies!

She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.

I of course replied” arh beautiful!

It was going to be , some day.

But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,

She was a women, a mother with her own children!.

Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.

We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!

We could never speak unless he spoke to us!

.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them

As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)

I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!

He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.

And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)

Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!

(And it was in our own minds.)

I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.

I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.

But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.

And i lived it daily.

So whats the point in blame.

Thats was my nicest nick name for him

Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.

He was dying to do it , i knew.

He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.

And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .

She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!

So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.

She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!

I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.

I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers

I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.

And who doesn’t know suffering?

The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!

They are buried together, in the same grave..

He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!

You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .

Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..

Another so called friend had bit the dust..

I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.

Who then, do I blame.?

And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!

Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other

I had hoped to write a book about this .

What did i know ?

Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.

I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)

19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.

But im an empath, and i help lots of people.

I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.

Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.

I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.

Its mostly always from childhood abuse .

You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.

My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.

Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!

She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.

Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years

Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t

My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.

On the 31st of Jan this month .

I suffer greatly, because of BPD..

We all went to grammer schools

5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.

He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.

He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!

Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.

I write beautiful poetry .

I could never make a relationship work though!

But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .

Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.

And, all my friends down the years ,where users.

I know ,a lot about trauma.

This is how, and why children get BPD.

Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!

She was in good health!

My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.

Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.

Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!

She found it foreign!.

He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.

He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!

The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,

It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.

As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.

We were not on the streets..

I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.

Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life

Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..

BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.

They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?

I have no regrets .

I will be 64.

I did it because my mum asked me too!

All the time i was locked up.

One cannot live in the past .